“Each time I see any of her pictures, I am reminded of my place in his heart –which is kind of sucky. And to have this moment really is terrible, because that first sentence isn’t even sounding so right, right? My mind’s complicated.”
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Buenavie.01.29.2012
How is it that I thought I was just doing fine thinking I have full control of myself and that I am completely uncompromising in a relationship’s status quo? But as it turned out, my emotions betrayed me.
I feel stupid about it. I feel very stupid that yet again I got tricked by myself, I failed to do what I must have done from the very beginning –to guard my heart. I thought wrong and right now it feels extremely awful.
I’m crying like I just got brokenhearted when in fact I shouldn’t be. I thought sleep would take it away and even prayer, but it’s already 02:30 in the morning and I cry ’til now because it hurts a lot.
I feel the urge to be angry and blame the person and even God, but I can’t, I just can’t, ’cause I know I had the big part to be blamed for.
I know the very thing to do in this very situation: to reevaluate, refocus, re-fix my eyes on Jesus Christ, learn and be wiser than ever before –but why is it that they’re empty words before me as I speak them to myself?
It’s like there’s a war inside me, “I should be like this, but I can’t”, extremely complicated. Still, dashes of hoping stands out, even if my mind and my heart are in a rage of difficulty, I still want to stand in faith and hope more of God’s promises. It feels like it doesn’t matter that chunks of doubt is pouring all over me, and that I feel extremely the opposite of “hoping”. Read the rest of this entry »
It was a great time, even though short, to see Ate Mhean and Kuya Ronald’s family again after so long. I didn’t even notice that it’s been almost 10 months since they have relocated away from Navotas. I missed their little witty cute girl, Riesse, so much. It surprised me how big she is now and how adorably garrulous she has become. And of course, it was a thrill to see their new born baby, Elianah, who looks a lot like her mom, for me. 
I MISS YOU ALL RAMOS FAMILY!! A LOT!!
Riesse and me
Ate Riesse and baby Elianah
The ride to and fro the hospital was quite endearing for me, I don’t know why but it felt unbelievably liberating to roam places with just by yourself, see people of different walks of life busy with whatever they’re on, and just ponder on the various scenes you witness; it didn’t even matter that halfway was a frenzied market place.
Shot from LRT station.
I’ve finished Philip Yancey’s “What’s So Amazing About Grace?” and now I’ve moved on to a free read, and I’m finding it quite really awesome and very much interesting, titled: “Harvesting in Famine: Victorious Living in Times of Crises” written by Ptr. Willy W. Chua.
I have heard him preach twice, the latest is after attending an amazing and a blessed camp in Bulacan just before the end of last year, I should say that he’s unlike the common pastors I hear in churches who preach for an hour or so. He preaches uniquely and more than the time, I believe, most are used to, and quite surprisingly, those 2 sermons I’ve listened to were very spiritually enriching.
I’d like to make this post so to share how God has blessed me and my friends during the camp and the book he gave us; we are so blessed by him and his family’s testimony of how passionate they are of Christ (More than 6 or so hours of family devotion! And some other more surprising stuff that happened to them, at school, random events, etc.), all by God’s grace and for His glory alone.
I am to read chapter 4 upon resume but I was caught early by some big points the former chapters before it contain. To talk about one big hit, for me, would be chapter 2 wherein he wrote about “Understanding The Blessing”. Summarizing, he wrote the true definition of God’s blessing and it can be found in 2 Bible verses:
“The blessing of the Lord BRINGS WEALTH and he ADDS NO TROUBLE to it.” -Prov. 10:22
“Surely goodness and love will FOLLOW ME all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” -Ps. 23:6
The first point, according to proverbs, is that if the blessing is true and it is from God, it must be perfect in a sense that it bears no burden with it, it is “unattached, griefless, trouble-free, sorrow-free” as how Ptr. Chua elaborated it. Furthermore, it is “not promotion without commotion, prosperity without longevity, wealth without health, recognition with no restoration”. Thus, if a “blessing” has otherwise –it makes you worry, it makes you sad or angry, it doesn’t give you any comfort nor peace– then it is NOT from God, and it is not a TRUE blessing.
The second point is that The Blessing is not to be chased after. It is not to be pursued. Ptr. Chua wrote:
The Presence of God attracts the blessings, but it is obedience to His Word that brings The Presence of God (The Blessing) to the scene.
Such statement came from two verses, one is the latter verse I stated above, from Psalms, and the other is from Matthew 6:33 (“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”). To simply put, people, Christians all the more, should learn to fix our eyes on our Rewarder than the rewards.
There’s this one truth I experienced today and I thank God so much for letting me have it because I received The Blessing: A communion with God a day makes all the difference in the world.
I received genuine optimism and joy, enthusiasm and love for people, a submissive heart and a fresh faith, all in a day. And I am so praying I’d be able to pull myself nearer and nearer and nearer before His feet by His grace tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and all the days that comes after it because true enough, it’s everything a person ever needs to live a day perfectly: a quality time with my Creator, my Savior, my Redeemer, my Lover, my Counselor, my Teacher, my Friend, my Father. If you make God your priority, He will make sure you have always been His priority. 
By the way, I don’t know if Ptr. Chua’s book is out in bookstores but if it is, it would be a blessing to buy a copy.
God’s awesome!
At the very start of the year, my mind was filled of thoughts about witnessing numerous young people come and join NAG’s youth ministry. But everything was changed as 2011′s end approached, He dealt from the core, from the inside, and eventually, out. I am now convinced, maybe not during my term, maybe on the coming batches of young leaders, God will make it happen in an unimaginable amazing way with a much better perspective and deeper purpose. For now, all that there is, is to learn the basics and, yet, the most important of all: to seek Him above all, to trust in Him fully and not lean on our own understanding, to be still and know that He is God.
Sabi nga it’s not about the number, it’s about the heart, and truly, God broke and made new the youth ministry’s heart. Still a very long road to walk on, but I am thankful, in my unexpectedly almost 6 years sa YM’s leadership, I have experienced a LOT of bittersweet moments and all of them are too wonderful because God let them be so.
2011 has been a great experience for me as a leader, as a youth, as a Christian, and most of all, as a person. The events that God let me get through this year changed me, still is, and I am more amazed witnessing other young peoples’ lives get changed from glory to glory.
I encourage every young people who knows Jesus Christ to never give up seeking Him despite the odds you face every day. It is never an easy thing to be His follower but it’s always the most wonderful life anybody chooses to live as. There might always be a lot of trials along the road but know that He who holds the world carries us throughout the journey.
More than too often, people plot plans in their minds for a definite stretch of time, but no matter how meticulously premeditated it is, God’s plan prevails.
I greet you all a very merry Christmas and a blessed new year!
“Do you know how it feels when you’re all vacant, you’re doing stuff but you’re absolutely unoccupied mentally and all that passes through your consciousness are thoughts about the person you like? If you do, what do you do about it then?”
This is very unhealthy for me, I need to get my mind off those thoughts and get a life today. Seriously. lols X)
Just a quick post to catch up:
3 days to go and it’s Christmas here in the Philippines! It feels like 2011 just started last week because I still remember memorable events last January. So…
Have a very merry Christmas and may God bless us more! Happy holidays! X)
I didn’t know that the pic’s really blurry, anyway, I know you can see through that. XD This is my little sissy wearing a cute black-white dress on flats. Just thought she’s really cute so I’d post it here.
When you realize you really do not own anything, you begin to let lose, you get selfless. It seems a tragedy but I guess it’s the best that can ever happen to someone. Most specifically that when you let loose you don’t just drop it to an infinity of nothingness, instead you lay every thing to Him who owns it all.
I am thankful that God has put me in this phase when he makes me able to choose him more than what I just want for myself, when he equips me to step out of my comfort zone because he is eager to let me have or experience something unfathomably magnificent.
“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”
(Philippians 1:21)
“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”
(Matthew 16:24)
I asked myself this question, how do I live for Christ? Truly? How do I deny myself, take up my cross and follow him? Is it enough to be involved in a ministry? Is it enough to establish a daily quiet time with him? Is it enough to facilitate my own discipleship group? All these and so much more hits the question but not quite enough. I believe there’s something far greater than these to make it all right and full in satisfaction to my query.
It’s extending Christ from our empty selves to the world –every single day, every task we do, big or small. No need to section your life, there should be no Christ-things and then My-things. I say empty selves because that’s what God wants for us, to be empty, so he can fill us with all the best things we can never imagine.
All I desire most in my life is to serve Christ in the way he wants me to, no reserves, no My-things, no complains and no questioning. I am not like this yet but I desire to be this person in His perfect time. One big ambition is to be a missionary, I’d like to see how Christ moves so mightily in other peoples lives, how he breaks each one and makes them new. But then, I desire most is to let His will be done in this life He lent me.
Whatever it may be, I hope and pray that God would help me be the person He wants me to be –Christ like– in His own perfect time. I long for the time when I can say with a deep-seated conviction and an intense passion, “For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”
When I received Christ, eight years ago, I didn’t totally understand the word “Lord” on the part in the prayer for salvation of “I receive You as my Lord and Savior”. The “Savior” part I understood quite well, but the “Lord” part, no, at least not until now.
From day 1 to yesterday, the Holy Spirit is just magnificently allowing us to experience his little works and they’re already massive and too wonderful, and now that it’s the 28th day of our church’s prayer and fasting, it just gets better and better. Tonight’s message was an eye opener for me, a night of one of the many genuine revelations, even, that only God can give.
The message was about one of the important kinds of relationship we have with Christ, and that is being a slave to him. I guess I’ve got no time to tell it all here but that’s what it’s all about. To say the word slave straightly and monotonous is without impact, but to understand it real well will be something severe. In truth, Christians are to be slaves of Christ. We are owned. We are not of ourselves but of His. (In the message, it was toughly explained why we are termed as slaves, actually as the pastor preached, the word servant as Christians termed to themselves and Jesus to them, literally means slave when looked at at its original Greek context.)
A slave to Christ, it’s unbelievably the best thing ever, but, it would mean bidding farewell to many of my plans and even my wants. It would also mean releasing my grip of whatever control I, somehow, still assert to have in my life. It would mean adversities and who would know how many instances of discomfort, melancholy and misery. But all of these are guaranteed temporary. If God has created every thing, he definitely owns every thing. If he has chosen to give his Son for the sake of us so unworthy of the inimitable sacrifice 2,000 years ago, he definitely will never turn his back on us.
He will never let the people, whom he loves so much and sacrificed his all for, to face adversaries without aid, to go through discomfort and sadness without glorious times of comfort, peace and assurance, to experience misery without the magnificence of his hands always at work for succor and haven.
I pray so hardly that the Holy Spirit will recall me in the days to come when I will not be reminded of this night when I completely believe I have nothing to lose if I’ll decide so totally to leave the living of my life each day to his hands with the vehement desire to live it according to his will and his alone. To make his lordship so real in my life more than before.
Surely I have no idea what there is in the coming days, weeks, months and bulks of years but it just doesn’t matter anymore when you know that you are held by the hand that holds the world. The only goal one must always pursue, all the days of his life, is to let God’s will happen in and through the life He has given him. This is the moment I desire this the most and I pray this will be forevermore.
My only solution.
